My True North
by sydney563
Summary: This is a one shot for War Between Two Doctors. Inspired by a song and told from Laurens POV. You should read WBTD before reading this!


**AN: This is a one shot I had in my head as i listened to the song All of Me. It may end up in the sequel whenever I get enough inspiration to start that one. But! read and enjoy! Tell me things!**

* * *

I could go on and on about sensory memories and how the science behind actually betrays the layman's terms we all use. It is the nature bred into me as a doctor, to explain away with science what some call romance. But in truth, when it came to her, every memory I have of her is attached to every single one of my senses. A simple smell, sight, sound, can bring back intricately detailed memories of the woman I love.

* * *

_I watched Bo fall into the arms of the young man. I was still screaming and trying to push the other soldier off of me. I had to get to her. The pain in my arm was too much and the soldier's grip was too strong. I couldn't move as he strapped me into my seat, holding me against the back metal wall. I watched helplessly as Bo was loaded into the helicopter. She was unconscious, blood coming out of her mouth. The young man who had been the door gunner worked fast as the helicopter started to lift off, he was holding gauze over Bo's injuries, checking for vitals. Yelling at the other soldier who held me back to help him. I struggled desperately to tear at the restraints as the helicopter lifted up. My nails ripping at the straps hopelessly the minute the two young men started CPR on Bo. I screamed at them to let me help, they couldn't hear me over their own screaming over the microphones on their helmets. I couldn't hear anything than the groans of the wounded, the frantic pace of the helicopter blades and the desperate panic of the two men trying to save her. I lifted my broken arm trying to slide out of the seatbelt, to go to Bo, to do anything to save her. When the surge of pain that rocked my body was too much, I passed out._

_The jolt of the helicopter landing woke me up. I opened my eyes and was met with the door gunner frantically pulling my seatbelt apart. The minute I was free I used him as a crutch, shoving myself up and stumble, throwing my body out of the helicopter. I landed hard in the sand, sending jolts of pain through my broken and bruised body. I didn't care about my pain when I saw Bo being pushed into the trauma tent, I didn't even notice my arm was now in a sling. I didn't even notice my breathing was labored from fractured ribs, I just ran. I ran as best as I could, pulling away from the nurses and soldiers trying to get me to sit down and be evaluated, throwing the helmet that was shoved on me to the side._

_I ran to Bo, catching up to her inside the tent. I listened to the nurse rattling off quick assessments of Bo's injuries. I interrupted the nurse with a loud voice, stopping all other voices around me, " She has one through and through to the upper chest, one entrance only to the shoulder." I yelled for gloves, a bleeder kit, more blood and finally yelling to get everyone around me to start moving faster than they were. I looked down at Bo, her face covered in blood. Her eyes were half open and her mouth was moving slowly as she was trying to say something. I bent close to her ear, "Bo, you are stuck with me, so don't look for any way out of this." Bo mumbled something else, something about taking care of her last. I clenched my jaw and held back the tears, whispering in her ear things that I felt compelled to get out before I did run out of time._

_The few words I uttered pulled a small smile from the incorrigible woman I loved. She went to reach for me, coughed hard and then her eyes rolled back into her head. When she went limp I had to scream at everyone around me to work faster and fight harder or I would lose her._

I sighed hard, rolling away from the sweat soaked sheets of the massive bed I laid in. I would have this same dream every so often. Every so often it would be so vivid I could taste the heat and the adrenaline of that day, betraying that it was more than just a dream. It was a real memory, a memory that haunted me more than I could imagine. I sat up against the headboard, glancing over to see her side of the bed empty, my hand ran across the soft sheets. Far too cool to the touch where she once laid. I stared at her pillow and missed her instantly. This aching feeling of her absence would often follow one of my bad dreams of that day. I took a deep breath, enjoying the lingering smells of her perfume, body wash, of her in the bed. When I looked at her pillow, I caught the time on the clock on her bedside table, it was a little past nine in the morning. She had let me sleep in, I smiled rolling out of the bed and pulling on a dry t-shirt and the soft sweater on my chair. The one that always smelled like her because she was always wearing it.

I walked slowly to the massive picture window that looked out on to the expansive back yard that seemed to go on forever. There was such an immense peace in this manor I now called home and have for almost a year now, but the dreams would remind me of what could have been. Chasing away the peace for few moments. Staring out in the fresh greens that a good thaw of winter always provided, I let my mind go back to that day. It was obvious the dream resurfaced for one reason or another. Things I had not dealt with, or kept choking down. I knew I had almost lost her that day, twice. Once when we couldn't get enough blood in her to keep her heart happy. Then the second time, when her body had enough of me prodding around trying to tie up torn arteries and broken bones. That second time I had to bring her back the with one hand. Pumping her chest while tears streamed down my face, screaming at the other surgeon to help me when it was clear on his face he knew she was gone. I brought her back, with his help, but I brought her back and collapsed the moment she gasped that first breath of her second life.

Pushing back my hair I closed my eyes, remembering the moment I woke up in my own trauma bed, panicking that she was gone. I had ripped out my IV's, pushed past nurses who tried to hold me back until I finally found Thatcher. Thatcher, the shy, quiet and diligent Captain that balked more than his fair share of times at the first signs of blood on his scrubs, was strong with me. He held me firmly, looked me dead in the eyes and told me she had been stabilized, transported and back in the safe confines of a German hospital. He never held it against me that I fought with him when I didn't believe him, or when I finally collapsed in his arms sobbing harder than I could imagine when he showed me her transport papers. "You saved her life Lewis, twice."

I looked in his eyes as he helped me back to my bed, "She's saved mine more than I can count."

I tucked my hands into the long sleeves of the grey sweater, I was chilled from the sweaty dream drying away. Shivering a little, I moved from the window. I closed my eyes again, trying to fight away the memory of when I almost lost her a third time. I hugged my arms closer to my body, trying to trap any body heat I could to encourage more to spread through my limbs.

Walking out into the giant hallway I could hear soft voices in the library Jack adored and wanted to spend every minute he could in there. I took slow steps towards them, enjoying the small laughs of my son mixed with the small giggles from her. The radio was on, softly playing whatever playlist she had picked this week. Reaching the doorway I leaned against the old maple frame, looking in. Jack was still in his alien pajamas, coloring away in one of his massive color books when he looked up and caught me standing there. Throwing his crayons to the ground he tumbled out of the desk chair and ran as fast as he could to me. "Mummy! Morning!" I smiled and bent to catch him, smiling even wider as I caught a glimpse of her pausing in her own coloring to grin at us, her eyes snagging mine for a second. Only a second and then it was broken by my son barreling into me as he did every morning. I squeezed Jack tightly, closing my eyes as his little arms squeezed me back. She had saved him too before coming after me in the middle of hell to save me. She had saved both of us. I had to swallow hard the tears that wanted to fall, the dream had definitely sent my archived thoughts into the forefront of my mind.

Jack leaned back in my arms, "Grace and I are going to make breakfast. I had to wait until you were up so we could get started." he patted at my arms to let him down, "Down Mummy, you're awake and now its time for pancakes!" I laughed, kissing him on both of his cheeks before setting him down on the ground. Letting him take off like a lighting bolt calling for Grace.

I folded my arms again, my neck craned in the direction of his tiny footsteps. I closed my eyes as the smell of her shampoo gently filled the air around me. It was same shampoo she used that day, it was the last clean smell of her before the blood and fear filled my senses. Her voice broke the thoughts, "You want to come over and color with me?"

I opened my eyes, she was leaning over the giant desk, crayons in hand. Grinning at me waving a handful crayons at me. I said nothing, just stared at her instead. My mind slipping into the memory of the third time I almost lost her. When I was told infection had set in. I wanted to give up then, opting to stay and work in the desert until I dropped. I let out a breath, thank god for Aaron. He called incessantly until the satellite phones made a clean connection. His voice was full of excitement and relief while he told me she had fought her way out of the infection and the two month coma. "She did it for you", he told me, "she woke up and asked for you before sliding back into a deep sleep for a few more days."

I let a slow smile come across my face, I didn't want her to know about the dream. We both had our bad nights, lessening by every month that passed by, but they were still there and I hated her worrying about me. I worried telling her about the dream would set her back into the nightmares as well.

"I would love to color with you." I moved slowly to the desk, snaking my hands from the soft sleeves, my wedding ring gently catching on the fabric. I pulled at the sleeve when her hand covered mine, her wedding ring meeting my simple band. It had been almost a year since these became a permanent part of our hands. A year since we both found peace in our own personal tumultuous seas of heartbreak and hell.

"Lauren, you okay?" her voice was soft and full of concern. I could never hide much from her, especially after we were married. I opened my heart to her completely from that day on.

My head lifted, our eyes meeting and I sighed. Everyday I could stand in front of her and look into the dark brown eyes that lit up so many emotions in my body, was a day I memorized. I felt her hand squeeze mine, I nodded for her benefit, "I'm fine. I'm still trying to wake up." I slid my hand into hers, never getting tired of how it fit in mine, how the rings of marriage met perfectly as our ring fingers meshed. I lifted her hand up so I could look at her wedding ring, "Thank you for letting me sleep in."

"You're welcome, Jack wanted to color and I couldn't sleep anyways."

I felt her other hand come to my cheek, "Lauren, you had a bad dream." I met her eyes, she could always and will always see right through me. I smiled weakly, shrugging, "It was nothing."

I let go of her hand and went to pick up a crayon when the lyrics of the song playing around us made my heart pause. I glanced at the radio, my heart picking up pace at the words the deep, smooth voice just whispered around us. More memories came through, brighter and stronger than the dream. It was my sensory memory suddenly being kicked into gear.

Bo walked over to me, her hands on my waist as she pulled me to face her. "This song, I put it on the playlist yesterday. Kenzi was raving about it while we drove Jack around in the city last week while you were at work." Bo moved her hands from my waist to hold my face as she looked deep into my eyes again. "The first few words hit me, they were familiar to me and it took me a few days to try and figure out why. I listened to the song a million times, hoping something would come through. Then it hit me." Bo scanned my eyes as hers turned glassy, "Lauren, that day." She paused again, swallowing hard cluing me in that she was talking about the same day I was fending off in my mind, "That day, do you remember what you said to me right before I passed out?"

it was my turn to swallow hard. My heart was pounding as I placed my hands on her wrists, holding onto her I nodded slowly. Bo smiled lightly, "You told me, and I quote. I love you, you can't leave me. Because what would I do without your smart mouth."

I laughed nervously, "I did. I was telling you the truth. One of the things that made me fall beyond hopelessly in love with you was your smart mouth. Your jagged witty way of blatant truth telling, or as my mum always called it. A smart mouth."

Bo laughed with me, "That was the last thing you said to me and it made me fight. Fight harder than I ever have in my life. I had to come back to you." Bo paused as a tear escaped, "You gave me your all that day and I had to come back and give you my all." Bo leaned forward, our lips brushing against each other, "You, my wife, are my end and my beginning. I will love you for eternity and more." With her last whisper, her lips pressed against mine in a soft kiss. A soft kiss that was filled with a sense of permanence, a sense of no return. I slid my hands from her wrists, down her arms and to her sides. Pulling her into me, so close I could feel as if her heart was sitting on top of mine, beating in unison.

When we parted Bo held her hand against my cheek, her thumb running soft circles. "The dream you have is just that, a dream. I am never leaving you, because forever by your side is where I will be."

Looking deep into the brown eyes that caught my heart the moment she walked into my office, I saw everything we had been through. Everything we had done together, our past, our present and our future that was completely uncharted. I grinned at my wife, "Even if my compass breaks, you will always be my steady true north, Bo."

The words brought a wider smile to her face, carrying up into her eyes. Making them smile in the small little way that was truly her. I bent forward and broke up the smile I adored with a kiss, whispering, "Time moves slow whenever I am in your arms. I love you."

Hearing the small sigh come from the woman I loved more than anything, I knew. We would be just fine and my memories would fade to the back to make room for the new ones we were set to make.


End file.
